Pin me! I have written this post many times and in many ways, erasing everything and starting over, and over, and over. Though Im still fearful to share this, my dominant feeling is that it’s exactly what I would have loved to read a year ago today, and that’s why today is so special. Today marks one year since the last time I had alcohol.

　　Alcohol used to be a big part of life, almost by design. There were kegs and red cups in college, happy hour drinks in corporate America, and bonding over beers on the backpacker trail. Celebrating something? Let’s have drinks. Going through something difficult? Have a drink to take the edge off. Its your birthday? Drinks! The sun is setting? Have a sundowner. Its game day? Have a beer. Going to Tuscany? Have some wine. Going to Tokyo? Have some sake. There was always a reason.

　　I wanted drinking to be something casual and easy. I craved that feeling that other people seemed to get. They opened up and laughed a bit more, they described it as a nice, warm, and fuzzy feeling. Honestly I don’t know what being drunk feels like. I just know what wanting more feels like. I know what having a hangover feels like. Other people can stop after one. They can stop after two. They feel good after one. I can’t comprehend the of just having one.

　　One day I finally said it out loud: What if I gave up alcohol? Why don’t I just decide with each passing day that if it’s been a good day and my life is getting better, to go one more day without having any?

　　It was pretty hard to think about giving it up for my entire life, but I could take it day by day.

　　So I sought outside help and support to get through it. There were times when it was really hard, but now it’s been a year, and most of my fears around giving up alcohol never came to pass. Its actually been the single most life-changing decision Ive made. Even more than quitting my job to travel and starting this blog. Honestly.

　　This is easily the most vulnerable thing Ive ever shared publicly. Its scary. And yet every time I do open up to someone about it, they don’t judge me or make me feel like a failure, they tell me something that they are struggling with. It turns out we all have our demons.

　　What we see on social media is so perfect and curated. We almost never talk about the dark times. But if I’m not on this Earth to connect with others in the spirit of honesty and the search for a better reality, then I dont know what the point is. Life is like a video game and I feel the way to keep leveling up is to talk about our struggles and triumphs. Eliminating alcohol has been a big part of finally seeing the light for me. Life got better. The holes alcohol left behind filled up with love. These are the things that changed:

　　Table of Contents

　　Toggle My WorkMy HealthMy RelationshipsHow I TravelHow I Spend My TimeREAD NEXT: Sober in Southeast Asia an Impossible Mission? My Work

　　So grateful. Everything from my website traffic, to my social media following, to income increased after I made this decision. Part of it has to do with the amount of time I can now devote to it, and the of that time. Here are the changes:

　　Blog traffic is up by 54% from this month last year. Over 1200% follower increase on YouTube, which I mainly owe to putting more time and effort into trying to grow it. I launched BMTMAdventures tours. My business expanded and now I have an awesome full-time assistant. We have an incredibly supportive community of solo female travelers on Facebook. This is becoming so much bigger than just me and Im thrilled! I’m approaching this with so much more love and appreciation now. I feel the connections more and Im no longer doing it for me, but for the work itself, and I know that has to be making a big difference. I didnt feel this kind of love or community before. I was sealed off from it and that had everything to do with how I treated myself and my body.

　　My Health

　　Nurtured I didnt expect the shift in my health to be so dramatic. It amazes me the way that my muscles retain their tone more, I don’t put on fat as easily, and I am literally in the best shape of my life, stronger than I have ever been.

　　Ive also found that one healthy decision begets another, and I listen to my body a lot more now. I cut way back on my coffee intake (which spiked right after I cut alcohol, as did sugar), and very recently switched to an entirely plant-based diet as well.

　　I worked out so much in my 20s, eating healthy, and always wondering why I couldnt get more abdominal tone. Now that Im 32 I have the answer: Treat myself better.

　　My Relationships

　　Self Love? I was the most worried about my social life. I feared being an awkward penguin at parties, or that people might stop inviting me to do things. I had some friends who were only party friends and we dont talk much anymore. Thats okay.

　　However my closest friendships are stronger and more meaningful now, and the new friends Ive made are people who I go way deeper with. I never have to question if someone (or I) only said something because she or he was a little bit drunk. Its all real now and I love that.

　　Its also important to mention the relationship with myself. I no longer mistrust myself. I no longer put myself down. I actually notice when I do these things because Ive started paying attention. My mind got a lot sharper and I have more clarity now, so thats made introspection that much more illuminating and at times, painful. But I deal with it now, I dont run away from it anymore.

　　Drinking to feel better, drinking to celebrate, drinking to have fun or to be social thats the easy road. Feeling my feelings full-on without any crutches is where the real growth has happened.

　　How I Travel

　　An amazing sunset near Kuta Lombok Traveling without social drinks was another big area of uncertainty and fear. I wondered if people would be less inclined to talk to me or Id feel like the odd woman out. It turns out that I just hung out with the drinking crowd before because thats where I fit in, but now that Ive changed my intentions, I still find my tribe.

　　I dont meet people in the way that I used to in hostels and over beers but I still meet plenty of people nonetheless. I find them in retreats, cafes, yoga classes, day tours, randomly on beaches, on hiking trails, and in buses. I dont miss skipping bars, and I dont feel uncomfortable ordering a tea at dinner while others order a beer, and neither do they.

　　Ive actually come to find that the only people who are bothered if Im not drinking are others who might be worried its a problem for them, too, and that often leads to them opening up to me about it, so its actually a good thing.

　　How I Spend My Time

　　Doing amazing things! Im finding so many more amazing things to do that dont involve alcohol, like ecstatic dance, learning to play the cello, and pole dancing. These are things I didnt search for before, but it turns out plenty of people love being social minus alcohol.

　　I have a morning routine now that gives me structure, I have people over for dinner, I go out and play, like really play, and wake up for the sunrise and catch the sunset more often now. I still love concerts and dance clubs when the music is good. I just walk right into the middle of the dance floor, dance my heart out, and leave when Im tired, high on nothing but endorphins. I was doing it wrong before, endorphins are the

　　Sometimes I look back on my life and wish Id looked for help and support about this sooner. Sometimes I feel sad that alcohol was such a big part of my youth.

　　I also know that every step Ive taken so far led me to here, and I wasnt ready until a year ago to make this decision, so Im at peace with it all now.

　　Its not my intention in sharing this to make anyone feel like they have to do what Ive done, to put down anyones life choices, or to suggest that you need to do the same in order to find peace and happiness. Youre on your own journey.

　　Its not always roses and rainbows. I still put in a lot of work and painful self reflection too, and I dont do it all on my own. Im grateful to have a support system. Its not easy to face life full on without any crutches.

　　But it is a worthy experiment, which is what it started out as for me.

　　Yes, yes it will.

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