By Anne Berry, guest blogger

Bucking Zu Vodka’s mechanical bison at midnight on Bourbon Street. Burying the Long Island Iced Tea in a jazz funeral. Sharing a rum-laced dinner with Ron Jeremy (here to introduce his namesake brand in a tropical rum punch, served in a cheeky 9.75-inch-long glass.)

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Hotel Monteleone

Tales of the Cocktail may have uncorked the streets of New Orleans, but the heart of this booze festival is the Hotel Monteleone. The legendary Royal Street property opens its every nook to Tales: carving out a bookstore in the lobby, opening its ballrooms to brand tastings and seminars, and throwing themed cocktail parties on the rooftop pool deck.

Showing up to Tales are tattooed mixologists, bloggers in seersucker and straw fedoras, and hipster fans with vintage bartending titles tucked in their low-slung jeans.

By ten o’clock on any given morning, they’re looped on Kahlúa-spiked coffee, and media types are snagging this year’s hottest samples, perfume-like bottles of St. Germain and orgeat syrup.

Early on, seminars are geared to industry folks and cocktail geeks. We learn about beehive consultants and the cocktail sweetener Truvia while sipping softly strawberried vodka. Experts dissect cocktail menus while serving up modern classics (orange marmalade stirred into the Breakfast Martini gives it a long, lovely zest).

Other seminars dive into a bar’s soda program (a companion book, “Fix the Pumps”, will sell out at the Tales bookstore) or ice program (the hotel won’t let us take a chainsaw to the ice block, but we get a chilled martini for our troubles).

Later, some action shifts to hard-thumping Bourbon Street, at the Royal Sonesta hotel. A big draw here is Saveur’s “Bar Star” contest, where bartenders mix their own Cointreau-based creations. Tosca Café’s Luigi Tarantino steals the show with his frothy Aperol Incognito, skillfully tying Aperol’s orange notes to Cointreau and ginger beer.

Off the Royal Sonesta’s chic marble lobby, Botran Rum commandeers a ballroom for a tiki tasting, introducing the Zombie to a new generation. Next door, we blind-taste cocktails to decide whether hand-crafted syrups taste better than commercially made (answer: a good bar should probably stock both).

A block away, the St. Louis hotel opens its famously lush courtyard to Zacapa Rum’s garden party (fresh nutmeg flakes our Rum Milk Punch). Just beyond it is the hotel’s refined wine bar, Patrick’s Bar Vin, carrying a sparkling list of simple cocktails (including Belgian vodka shaken with citrusy wine, or a shot of champagne).

As night approaches, the Royal Sonesta hosts live jazz at Irvin Mayfield’s Playhouse, (or, during the witching hour, a burlesque show). On the drinks list are seasonal classics, as well as originals like the Icewine martini or Stormy Weather (topped with a ginger beer float).

We’ll return to the Royal Sonesta this fall when Restaurant R’evolution opens, tempting with a 10,000-bottle wine cellar and hand-crafted cocktails. For now, the hotel’s Le Booze opens onto Bourbon Street; its copper-topped bar stocks the basics.

Finally, Tales-goers can’t stumble through New Orleans without a whirl on the Hotel Monteleone’s iconic Carousel Bar, open almost round the clock. Depending on the mood, we’ll try a cocktail created specially for the Carousel: the 1930s-era Vieux Carré (a swish of whiskey, cognac, vermouth, Benedictine and bitters) or a modern classic, a citrus-spiked whiskey called the Monteleone Cocktail.

Then we’ll rave about it to a stranger who’ll have his own Tale to tell, come next year.